A couple of weekends ago, I went to a parenting workshop. For 5 hours on a Saturday, I sat in a room full of parents trying to learn how to be better, more loving, more patient.

(As a side note, when the presenter asked how many people were parenting 3-year-olds, about half the room raised a hand, haha).

Everything she said was really fantastic, but one thing stuck out to me more than anything. She said that as parents, we tend to look at a field full of flowers and find the ONLY weed.

What she meant by that was that our kids know that at times, the best way to get our attention is to misbehave. Even if it’s not positive attention, it’s still attention! I mean, we’re yelling but at least we’re responding to them! And occasionally that’s what they desperately want.

So our job as parents is to look through all of the “noise” (as she called any not-great behavior) our kids are creating and find a good behavior that we want to reinforce, and then REALLY pay attention to that behavior. We respond when they’re acting great, we encourage more nice behavior, we praise the kid, the whole thing! In other words: we look through a field full of weeds, and then find the only flower… and then water it!

I was thinking about this wisdom so much as I sat down to write this blogpost. That’s because today I want to highlight another of the great strategies from Read on Arizona’s Smart Talk campaign: RESPOND.

Of course, because Smart Talk is all about helping parents have quality back-and-forth conversations with our kids, “respond” in this case means “no dejes a tu hijo hablando solo”— nobody likes that! And even tiny babies can tell when they’re being listened to and getting a response.

But I think this skill is also bigger than just our conversations with our kids. Every day, we get the chance (usually manyyy times a day) to react and respond to what our kids say and do. So when we’re responding to the good behavior, the nice words (or any words, when our kids are tiny babies and just learning), we’re creating such motivation for them to keep doing that thing!

It wasn’t surprising to me that there was overlap between this parenting workshop and the Smart Talk resources & tools. After all, one of the main goals of Smart Talk is to help strengthen our parenting skills so we can help our babies and toddlers learn and develop at home. And the nice thing is that each of these strategies is so simple, but at the same time so significant.

But it’s always nice to hear the same advice in different ways (especially when it’s great advice)! So this month I’ve been working on RESPONDING to my kids when they’re being delightful and sweet, and I can totally see a difference.

¿Quién se anima? Or is this something you’re already pretty good at doing with your kids? I’d love to hear!

READ MORE

School starts this week for our Chiquita #1! It’s preschool, and she only goes twice a week for a few hours, but it still has a surprisingly big impact on our schedule to have to rush out of the house even two mornings a week. Now that we’re getting ready to say goodbye to summer, I realized that I’ve accidentally been doing slow parenting for the past month.

Have you heard of the Slow Parenting movement? I first heard the term a few years ago (I think before I even had any children), but it’s stuck with me ever since. It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like: slowing down, savoring the moment, doing few activities, letting your kids be still (and potentially be bored).

For the past month, mostly by accident, the girls and I have spent a lot of slow days together. Thanks to friends traveling, the horrific Phoenix heat, and a couple of summer colds, our schedule has been mostly free of play dates or work commitments. Between our normal errands and some fun summer adventures, we’d always get out of the house at least once a day, but in general, thanks to our relatively empty schedule, there were fewer instances of stressed-out rushing (me) and overstimulation (kids).

I loved the advice in this (old) Boston Globe article about slow parenting:

“Slowing down and connecting with each other is about being mindful of what you’re doing. These days when everyone is so busy, we need to be intentional about making space for family time. Like all of our other activities, we need to mark it on the calendar.” – Carrie Contey, cofounder of Slow Family Living

“I encourage parents to take some time to just watch their children, whether they are playing, doing homework, or eating a snack. Take a moment to drink them in. Remember and remind yourself how remarkable your children are. That pause alone, even if momentary, can drive a shift in the pace.” – John Duffy, clinical psychologist and author of “The Available Parent”

That second one really hit home for me, because the greatest gift of our slow parenting summer was the chance to really watch my girls together. The other day I peeked into the living room while my three year old was teaching my one year old how to play ring-around-the-rosie (they included a favorite doll to make the ring bigger). Later that week I stuck them both in the bathtub with paletas, and just watched them. I smiled at how perfectly round the baby’s stomach is, laughed at their tan lines, and admired their long eyelashes. I watched as one took tiny bites of her paleta and the other took long licks, and my heart almost broke thinking of how big they’ll be one day. It was the sweetest moment, but I could have so easily missed it!

Even without kids in “real” school, the necessary tasks of getting two tiny humans dressed and fed so we can do the things we need to do (all scheduled around various naps that need to be taken at the right time) creates a special brand of daily chaos. And for you who have bigger kids, the start of school definitely signals a busier season for everyone. So as we get ready for back to school, I’m committed to keeping some of the principles of slow parenting in mind even when the long days of summer are behind us.

What about you? Do you purposely schedule in slower-paced time with your little ones?

READ MORE

We were in the living room when it happened.

“You know, [name omitted to protect the innocent] is just like you were when you were a kid—he’s completely bilingual! His English and Spanish are both really good.”

We were visiting my aunt and one of my family members made this offhand comment. It came on the heels of watching my toddler struggle to communicate in English. She had gotten her point across (mostly), but it was the first time I wondered, are we doing the right thing?? Focusing on Spanish and trusting that she’ll pick up English through school, friends, relatives and, well, basically everywhere (except at home)?

This is a family member who I love, respect, and admire, so her opinion holds weight with me. And the truth is that for me, this is a big experiment. I was raised speaking both languages equally since birth. My family’s situation in Mexico is different than the reality we live here in the States, which is why we decided to do things differently with our kids.

I have faith that their English will catch up and probably eventually be their dominant language—that was my husband’s experience after his family moved here from Ecuador.

But still, it breaks my heart a tiny bit to see my daughter try to communicate with little strangers on the playground and be met with a blank stare (although, they are toddlers so… that could happen even if she was speaking perfect English I guess).

Raising a bilingual kid can feel lonely at times, even though I know that families all around the world are doing the same thing every day. It’s these little slivers of doubt that, if left unchecked, can start to erode your commitment and make you wonder if it’s even worth it.

It was the first time I felt unsure whether we’re making the right choice about our kids’ language journeys, but I’m certain it won’t be the last. In the end, I think it comes down to trusting your instincts and finding support. Luckily, there’s a great big Internet full of people, resources and services to help those of us raising bilingual bebés.

But I still want to know—has something similar ever happened to you? How did you react? We’re really all in this together, you know.

READ MORE